If only my best mate Dennis hadn’t given me a bad tip on the markets, it wouldn’t have happened.
If I hadn’t been broke, I’d have had a phone, a car. A jacket without a dodgy zip.
If it hadn’t been windy, we wouldn’t have gone kite-flying. Obviously.
If Dennis hadn’t had a bigger kite than me, he wouldn’t have gone showing off.
If he hadn’t been showing off, he wouldn’t have tripped on that loose rock and bust his leg.
If he hadn’t bust his leg, I wouldn’t have gone back to his car to use his phone to call an ambulance.
If I hadn’t used his phone, I wouldn’t have seen the texts from my missus. Very intimate.
If I hadn’t seen the texts, I wouldn’t have gone back and done him in with that loose rock.
If I hadn’t thought I could get away with it, I wouldn’t have gone back to nick his car. Never there, was I?
If it hadn’t been windy, the door wouldn’t have slammed, on my jacket. Locked. Keys inside.
If it hadn’t been a dodgy zip, stuck closed, I’d have slipped it and gone.
Ah, there’s the siren. Ambulance? If only.